So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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