The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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