her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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