I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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