I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
