could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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