If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
