I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
