After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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