So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
