Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
