Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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