he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
