Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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