He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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