Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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