I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
