I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
