He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
