I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
