Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
