so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize