he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
