If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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