the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
