I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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