we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
