I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bet he comes in French.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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