There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
