I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
