and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
