there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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