I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
