I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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