The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he thought i was a dude.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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