I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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