so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
