What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
