How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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