im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
