I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize