Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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