Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
