But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
