So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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