my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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