He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
