I want to have your abortion
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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