They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize