I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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