i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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