I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
