I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
