don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize