This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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