it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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