I hate all girls vehemently.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
