Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
