Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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