I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
