and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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