Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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