he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
