i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
