I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
