You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
