Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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