He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
