I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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