I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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