Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
