and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
