He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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