My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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