Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
