is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bring me that man meat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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