Do you still have your period?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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