Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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