2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
