Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
