tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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