My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
