The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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