So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
