We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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