omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
