I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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