We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
