i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
